Articles written for the website of Time Magazine but NOT published!


We Are Entering The O.J. Zone
by Martin Lewis
(Written November 10, 2000)

The defining moment of the O.J. story came a few months into the trial when TV programs started to interview dog psychologists. What did Nicole Simpson's akita dog (confusingly named Kato) know - and when did he know it? And how did he feel about it?

Now just 3 days after the election - we have had the equivalent of our first dog psychologist on TV. And apparently we are the dogs.

CBS' "Early Show" was very worried that we the public were very worried about the worry of the election uncertainty. And all that worry... So they called in Dr. Eric Hollander from Mount Sinai Hospital to provide tips on how to deal with what it called "Post-Election Jitters."

I myself have had horrible flutters for the past few days - and I bet George W. Bush and Al Gore have had the odd queasy moment too.

Of course anxieties reveal themselves in different ways. Al Gore betrays his nerves by inviting TV crews to film his version of presidential existentialism. "I play touch football therefore I am a Kennedy." Meanwhile George W. Bush's stress has apparently manifested itself in a giant teenage boil on his face - covered by a jumbo-size Band-Aid.

And no one knows how much uglier things might get. So in the interests of saving the nation - here are the tips offered by the good psychologist:

1 Pace Yourself 2 Accept Some Anxieties As Normal 3 Maintain Your Routine 4 Keep Positive 5 Look At The Perspective

Oh - and make sure your owner rubs your belly frequently.


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